Ruin family

[TANNY]

My ex claim that I ruin the family by divorcing him.

Does a family without a father are consider ruin? Can't we do away with the father figure who obviously is the culprits of making everyone in the family living in a war zone? How does the absent of a fault finding father affect the children?

I'm doing very well as a single parent. I myself are much happier then before and my children are very happy with what they have now. Which part of the family that I have ruined for divorcing him other then ruined his life. Ruining his idea of being a idiotic parasite.

[Qgeneration]

it's all depends on how u are going o raise ur children...
wat for if together but fight everyday n night...children will still grow up in a "ruined" family...

[Bingo]

single parents are quite common nowadays, man or woman, Tanny....u have just finish reading a bad book......now's the time u start to write a brand new one...... from what I have read I think u have the ability to do a good job here....Cheers!!!

[TANNY]

Ya rite! The issue of raising the children. He has not been involve with the issue of raising the children before or after the divorce. It is me that visited all the nearby kindergarten to look for kindergarten for my kids and it is me that pay for all their fees and it is me that send them to school everyday. And he didn't even appreciated all my effort. We ended up arguing about the high school fees. I didn't even ask him to pay at the first place. He was saying things like... poor people children don't go to kindergarten.

We are poor but we are not as poor till we cannot afford the school fees. He never paid a single cent there after.

My children are in secondary now... and it is still me who pay for everything that they needed and I still fetch them to school every morning. The maintenance that he agrees to pay during our divorce proceding is not even enough for food and yet he refused to pay.

Before the divorce I was a bit worry about how my children going to cope with a single parent issue. After the father move out, I was ready for them to ask me question. Waiting for them to impose question like ... what happen to their father and all that. To my surprise no question ask.. and as usual I send them to school and they go back to nanny and I came to fetch them in the evening.

After months passes... I start to get a bit worry... sit down and ask them whether they knew what has happen. They told me the knew. They knew we are separating and his father is not going to stay with us any more. When I ask them whether they know why. They said that we always argue.

I concluded... They didn't miss their father because the father is not involve in any part of their lives.

[Qgeneration]

actually i was refering to as how u raise ur children after divorce, how to makes them feel the warmth from their single parent family...
ur children are so understanding, so u shouldn't worry too much if they are ok with ur separation.

[professor_bobo]

divorce does not ruin one's family... why stay in marrige when there is constant arguements and all.. it'll only give pressure to your kids... better have a relaxing happy life... rather than forcing yourself to stay in the marriage presurring yourself and everyone unhappy...

been there... done that... my mom and sister is a single parent and they are happily being single rather than spending their time with their spause having arguements/disagreement... (not that my father is bad but constant disagreement = arguements which comes to a divorce)

[TANNY]

True.... some spouse like arguement. They think is alrite to argue without considering how the other spouse felt. Emotionally unstable after every arguement will lead to a paralysed life. Unable to do anything else but keep on crying all the time.

[howy_lee]

well tanny, i can see ur problem basically is financial. well keep it aside first while ur children understand u so much and other child couldn't make it, im telling u reli having a great child. even they knew about wat happen to their father, yet they compromise with it so that they can continue their day. About financial, do u have any sewing skills ? i don't mean the only job let u find is sewing, but look for something u can do it at home while u can look after ur kids. because frankly i can tell, 1 side income will never help u. look for some alternative ways to make it i believe u can make it tanny =)

[TANNY]

Thank you very much for your concerned, howy_lee.

I hate to admit it but financial was a big challenge previously and when both husband and wife do not see the value of money the same way. I was counting every sen so that the children can have a better life (kindergarten and nanny take up large part of my income).... and he was busy borrowing money to buy car, buy handphone and buying a few insurance policy at one time. Every month he is busy with his debt and left me and my kids to fend for ourselve.

But over the years ... my income slowly increase and slowly I earn more then him... that is where all the problem started.... he started to depend on me ... asking me to buy his shaving cream, pay for food when we go out for food together and even upset about me not buying him his cloths. I felt like am a mother to him more then a wife.

I DID NOT RUIN MY FAMILY BY DIVORCING HIM... I only ruinned his life.... no more free lunch.

He still making statement which make him look like the victim of the circumstances. Hello! I wasted 11 years of my life on a s****d man like him and bore him two beautiful children of which I have given the best that I could and he call me a bitch. Who is the victim?

---

Me and my children are doing just fine without any part time income at the moment.

Thank you again for your concerned.

[howy_lee]

I see, well now i can see more detail, according like what you said depending. sometimes is good to it but i think if its in a positive we called it compromise, u spend on this meal while i treat u back something. for u, maybe u will think im handle it too simple cuz im not in ur shoe right? but thing that happened in ur relationship is ..Give and Take didn't show up. And yes, after a long time problem happen and thats the time to blaming each other like u didnt help me pay d bill yet im busting my arsh all the time.

Life is unfair, thats everyone knows it. im not asking u to bow to it but live with it so as everybody does. by the way, about jobs i dont know wat kind of job u are into or what kind of field that u good in. give a try to browse for the business part, but if u willing to give a shot. show up ur requirement or things that we may help u. Klang all hearted people right ?